The Most Random, Crazy, and (more than just slightly) Disturbing Story you'll read today.

THE MONKEY AND THE JUMPSUIT:

So once upon a time there was this monkey in a plaid jumpsuit named raechel that always shouted random antedotes at people that lindsey lohan - tis the monkeys name- met on the streets of a suburb of Rooklyn-b in the twilight phase of the moon on pluto (before it stopped being a planet). "Squeezing lemon spit on your ring toe of your left hand does not make you taller but it does make the lampshades go real not bright when you aim it at them!" Needless to say that this became a problem for Lindsey Lohan so she went and saw the mystical goat of brandeburg to get advice.

Just as Lindsey was arriving, the goat heard "drink a lollipop in portugal under the rising sun to make your hiccups go away for approximately pi seconds!" and got real mad. He was so angry that he turned into a human! The goat human understood the urgency of the problem that going to the vma's proposed so he gave her a gift and told her to go all the way back home to Kentucky and sit in a gas station before reading the note and opening the parcel.

So Lindsey did just that. She finally arrived there a week later. It would have been sooner except for the fact that the airlines thought she was a terrorist and wouldn't let her on, plus, she was after-all a monkey, so she had to unicycle all of the way across the atlantic. It was a brilliant plan, no?

Well, she was sitting there in the outhouse of the gas station when she finally read the note. It said "Take off the forking jumpsuit, duh!" Confused, she opened the package. And underneath the thin layers of brown packaging paper, was a t-shirt and a pair of jeans. She put the on and headed for the vma's at last.

When she parked her unicycle in the parking lot, it suddenly occured to her. She left her invitation in the pocket of her jumpsuit! Oh no, what was she going to do?1?

Stay Tuned for the Next Episode: RETURN TO KENTUCKY!